Monday, November 7, 2011

How's life in sg? For Poly kia, how is it like in tertiary education? JC kia, how does it feel like to almost complete year 1? I might not be able to completely understand how you guys feel, and never will but it works both ways. So what im saying is that, this post may sound emotional and stuff but just bear with me cause i really want to share my experience with my beloved cell which i miss dearly~

Jang jang!!! My 8 months course is almost over, and in fact, today is my last day of school, and next come my finals. Just another 28 more days before i return. How do i feel? I dont even know how to feel. Happy cause im going home? Maybe to a certain extent. But here comes the tricky bit. Im studying in an international school, where people come from all over the world. Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Korea, Taiwan.... just to name afew. What's going to happen after that? Desirably, everyone graduates and proceeds to Melbourne University. However, we cant have everything going our way. People fail, people disappoint you, people have better plans for their future or whatsoever, things just did not turn out the way it was expected to be. Just to illustrate, when we were in secondary school(which is something all of us can relate), you and your friends might promise each other to work hard and go into the same JC/Poly course etc. Some of you guys manage to do it, but not all, and i suppose most people did not for everyone is of different standards and is difficult to ask someone to give up their bright future just for their friends. Looking back, things changed didnt it? Friend that you call shadow, you now only meet them once/twice a week at most. You've made new friends in your current institution and now they are your new shadows. Mentality changed, image changed, everything changes for what makes you you are those whom you are close to. But thankfully you guys are all in Singapore (yes im overgeneralizing, but its something worth to treasure), there can still be often meet ups and stuff. But in my case, i highly doubt that Koreans that choose to go to Canada would ever want to come and visit friends in Melbourne. Afterall, air tickets aint cheap (if not i would have flown back every holiday), and Melbourne is not even their home country.

I did mentioned once that the bond you make overseas are very different to those you make in Singapore. Nope they are not inferior/superior over each other but just different. Over here, friends play many different roles. When you are sick, they are your family that takes care of your, buy you food, take you to the doctor and make sure you eat your medicine. When you need competition and motivation with school work, they become your arch enemy(in a good way), they give you stress, provide healthy competition and many other roles which are too many and too complex to name. People like my roommate, Andrea, we literally eat shit and sleep together (this is my first time having a roommate, a very different experience indeed!) I cant imagine parting these friends that are so dear to me. I cant imagine leaving this hostel which i once called home, all my housemates, this bed which i actually invites me everytime i try to study. I dont know why I did it, but i just did it, maybe to make myself aware of reality. I ripped all the photos on my wall (more than a 100), leaving only 28 of them, each day ill rip another one out. It totally made me realize how little time i have left to spend here. It was like tearing out a part of me, it hurts. No matter how much i said i hate being in Melbourne, or how much i suffer, how reluctant i was to go into the departure gate, i grew a bond to my current environment and it hurts so bad to change. To lose friends is one of the worst part of all, just like how i cannot bear to leave you guys, i couldnt make myself believe that i only have so little time left, and that valedictory might even be the last time seeing their faces.

All these thoughts flooded my brains, I couldnt even settle myself down to study for finals. So i prayed. I ask God, if he knows how cruel it is to ask me to make and break a bond within 8 months. Stupid question right? I know. I continued asking more stupid ones. "Why do I have to study so hard to get into Melb U when all my other friends that said would be with me for at least another 3 more years alr gave up?" "Why am I studying so hard? Why am I so stress? Why am I here, leaving my princess-like life in sg to a place where Ive got nothing, and when i found things and people to treasure, everything changes." As most of you know my quiet time is 70% p&w, if you dont then now you know. I just keep singing waiting for my answer, and indeed i got it. Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Ive come to realize that it was his plan from the start, to bring these wonderful angels into my life to make this bond, for me to learn from them, to spread his love. And also thank God for the invention of Facebook. Why go to Melb U? Cause I am blessed with his wisdom, knowledge and discipline that i have been praying for years and hence my results are to glorifying him and thus i am working hard. Why work so hard so much so that my body keeps breaking down and malfunctioning? Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we are commanded to take good care of it. Do I not know? Im fully aware of that. So why am I overdoing it? Do I not trust that He will bring me into Melb U. So now Im taking a step back, doing what i can do in moderation and also enjoy the last few days that i have with some of my friends, it totally made me happier. I thank God for that. Why am I here? He place me here to train me, my character, learning how to love, witnessing the reality that breaks his heart, learning how to appreciate my family and friends, so much more to name. I truely thank God for this precious experience that he granted me. I LOVE HIM ;D

Last but not least, Im really looking forward to go back to sg!!! I really miss you peeps~ JUST ANOTHER 28 MORE DAYS!!! EGGCHITING!!!! ;D

Seeya peeps!

Cheers

~Fiona ;D

what we could have been, 3:51 AM.